Day 5 Grief Task 5: MAKING NEW FRIENDSHIPS

 

DAY 5 Grief Task 5: MAKING NEW FRIENDSHIPS

Girlfriends/boyfriends, more contact with grandma and grandpa, aunts and uncles, daddy's girlfriend, mommy's friend

 

Prepare in advance: Cut out cardboard shields, plus the handles (cut and fold cardboard strips), tape

 

Or: Copy mandalas, prepare paper and colored pencils/felt-tip pens

 

Check with the parent in advance whether the grief symptoms that were checked during the intake have changed or are over.

 

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Looking back at the past four meetings

 

Do you still remember what we did the past few times?..........

Look at the worry notes in the tree, and read them loud again.

Name what has changed for the better (for example, no more stomach aches or headaches, blinking, skin rashes or bad dreams, etc.) ............

 

What else has changed now that your …….. no longer lives with you every day?

1. Do you still sit in the same place at the table? ...............

2. Has mom/dad changed? How then? ..........................

 

Coping with a loss is like healing of a very deep wound. There is always a scar left, that occasionally reminds you of what has happened.

 

And from a distance, …… occasionally (usually) watches with you.

 

Just like you. When you think of ……… and you miss him, her, you can ask who you are with at that moment, if you can video call, to hear his or her voice and see him or her for a while. Then you are closer to each other again. The bond with your …… ALWAYS remains. Even if one of your parents can no longer or no longer wants to see you. That is because you are family.

 

But you also have to play and learn and work. So you do not have the whole day to think about ……. But that does not matter.

 

Life goes on, and we get new friendships such as girlfriends or boyfriends at school or in the neighborhood. Or a new teacher, a new babysitter. You may be allowed to visit grandparents or aunts and uncles more often. And it may well be that in a while your dad and/or mom will also get a new (girl)friend or (boy)friend.

 

The blended family / stepmother / stepfather / stepchildren

Sometimes right away, sometimes after a while, mom or dad can find a girlfriend or boyfriend, with whom he or she falls in love. That is another big change……

You can feel sad, scared, angry, or lonely, because you don't want this to happen……

Or you can be happy. You see that mom or dad is happy with the other person and laughs and talks with her or him. Sometimes you like that person, sometimes you don't. But he or she always comes to visit, or you go there……

Sometimes the new girlfriend or boyfriend also has children. A kind of new brothers or sisters, who come to stay every now and then. You don't really know them at all, but they are part of the new girlfriend or boyfriend of mom or dad. This is called stepmother/father and stepchildren.

Sometimes mom or dad will pay less attention to their own children, because of these new people in the family, because they want to give their attention to everyone!

 

How is that with you?......... And what do you think about that?...........

If you live in a blended family, you often feel insecure, scared, angry and sad for a while. And you may think that things will never get better and you could be afraid that the new situation for the family will not work out. Some children who have experienced this say that things get better later, when everyone is used to it. But the tension can also last for years.

 

School

How do you like school now? ................. (possibly work with the Sun or grounding again!)

Do you ever tell others that your father and mother have separated.

For example, to classmates, or through a presentation?

 

What are fun things to do for you?

Having fun does not mean that you have forgotten someone!

Daddy and mommy are always kept deep in your heart, even when you are playing.

 

What are the things that you like to do? ......................

Write down as many fun things as you can think of .................

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

 

Having fun doesn't mean you've forgotten anyone! Because mom or dad or ...... you NEVER forget!!!

Even if one of your parents can't or doesn't want to spend time with you anymore.

 

 

A personal (magical shield)

 

We are also going to look forward again.

What is your dream for later? What would you like to do …….; or who do you want to be when you are a grown up? ............................

 

CRAFTING:

 

We are going to make a personal (magical) shield, which can help you get to know yourself better. The shield shows who you are and gives you strength. Moreover, you literally have something in your hands to feel protected (your own strength).

 

A family crest/shield, was used in the past to recognize knights during a battle when they went to fight; now in these days and age to recognize families or companies. The areas that make up a shield, are the symbols that are used to describe the identity of the wearer in detail and with pride.

 

The shield consists of four areas, each with a different meaning. You can draw or paste in those areas. Your name and photo will also appear on the shield.

 

1st area: What are you good at? Who are you?.......

 

2nd area: What are you not so good at yet or what are you still afraid of or what do you still find difficult?.......

 

3rd area: Who do you want to be later / what do you want to do when you are older?

 

4th area: Who is your hero? Your big example?.......

(Someone from a book, a comic book character, a film, or on TV) for instance Spiderman, Harry Potter, a pop star…..

 

We cannot prevent pain and sorrow, it just happens sometimes. But we can share the pain with each other. Then you can dry your tears, not forever, but always again!

 

Life goes on after someone's divorce. That's just the way it is.

Gradually you become part of normal life again. After your …… left, a new life has begun for you, without your ………

 

If you can choose whether you are pitiful or as strong as a bear, what would you choose?.......

Of course you can be pitiful sometimes, because it's not easy at all! But don't forget that you can also be strong.

 

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This is the end of DAY FIVE

 

Take the worry notes out of the tree together and give them to them.

 

For at home:

 

1. Make a memory book, ask grandpa and grandma or aunts and uncles what they remember about ........... when she/he was your age now.

 

Or

 

2. Write a letter to your father or mother: "What I still wanted to tell you"……

 

Or

 

3. Write the name of your father and mother in elegant letters on a piece of paper.

 

Think of a word for each letter that suits him/her. For example Helen: H for honest, E for Early, Love, because mom is very sweet, N for No, and so on.

And of course there can also be words that fit your father or mother exactly, but that are not really that nice.

 

Explanation of mandalas

A mandala is a “magical” circle. It is an old word and comes from India. You come across mandalas all over the world. Also here in the Netherlands, or wherever you live. They can be found in old churches or on Greek vases. Drawing and coloring a mandala helps you to become calmer. For example when you are angry or sad. People say: that it helps you to grow and to find your inner self. You can color the mandala with pencils, markers, paint or wax crayons. It does not matter whether you start coloring on the inside or the outside. The important thing is that you choose the colors that you like. You can also try to draw a mandala yourself. When you're done coloring and you look at it for a while, you can become completely calm, cheerful or happy again. Have fun drawing and coloring.

 

 

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